Blog for INC Members

This week the spotlight falls on Sam Frearson-Tubito, a true citizen of the world, who has been travelling since she was born in the Caribbean. A mother of four, Sam’s CV covers the four corners of the globe. She has worked on boats in the turquoise seas of Turkey, modelled in France, navigated the dizzy heights of advertising in Milan, and used her linguistic skills as a school Admissions Director in Tokyo. We catch up with Sam as she puts the finishing touches to her first book about what home really means.

With Chiquita in St. Kitts & Nevis

You are a third generation third culture child, what does that mean and how has that impacted on the way you have parented your own four children? 

A third-culture kid (TCK) is someone who has grown up in a country other than their passport country and other than their parents’ nationality and who has spent the majority of their time in these countries during a significant part of their child development years.

Making a splash in Cote D’Ivoire

I was sent to boarding school at 8 years old and suffered from feeling like I belonged nowhere—not where my parents were living or where I went to school. I learnt from this and decided that I would keep our four kids with us no matter how many times we moved with them. They are also TCKs and have lived with us in Italy, the Netherlands, Japan, and the US. Home for them was always where we were.

And then there were four

By the time you were 18 you had lived in 8 countries ranging from the Democratic Republic of Congo to Hong Kong, how has your nomadic childhood shaped you?

It has made me open-minded and open-cultured. I’ve also been very fortunate to have learned a few languages along the way, helping me communicate and assimilate easily.

Which place was the easiest to settle in?

That’s such a difficult question. Probably Spain because it was the first time we moved without kids. Moving with kids is another level of stress.

Presenting at the “Nearly Home” exhibition in Mirasierra, Madrid in November 2024

What life lessons did you learn whilst working on boats in Marmaris, Turkey in your early 20´s?

Life can bring lemons when you least expect them. The important thing is to learn from them and move on in a positive way.

Do you have any funny stories about adapting to life in Tokyo in 2009?

Having everyone move away from me when I rode the metro. Apparently, ‘gaijin’ – the Japanese word for foreigner – smell of off-milk due to all the dairy we eat. Who knew!??

A family bike ride in Tokyo

Your book, Beneath a Borrowed Sky: A Memoir about Finding Home is due later this year, what inspired you to write it?

I’ve been writing my blog: www.wanderingidentity.com since 2018 and have had a lot of people wanting more of my stories. My family love the stories especially my parents and my kids so the book is for them. For family.

Name a book that has inspired you

There are so many! ‘The Yellow House’ by Sarah M Broom (memoir), ‘Shantaram’ by Gregory David Roberts (historical fiction), ‘The Poisonwood Bible’ by Barbara Kingsolver (historical fiction) and ‘Educated’ by Tara Westover (memoir) stick out in particular.

Wine o´clock with the Portland gals

Tell us about the social programme in which you´re involved in Modena.

In April 2020, the Association for the Integration of Women was founded. Its mission is to “provide resources for women to establish roots and flourish.” In 2022, Roots opened as a self-sustaining social impact model, a youth-led social enterprise that showcases the cultural and human value of Modena’s newest chefs.

I was the community engagement director for the International Women’s Association of Modena (IWAM) and I was charged with raising money for the Association for the Integration of Women to help them open its new social enterprise, Roots.

Modena friends

What is the best advice you were given?

Never look back. Always look forward.

Tell us about the book club you run for Families in Global Transition

It’s a global book club that I run online via zoom once a month. We have people zooming in from all over the world. Last month we had 11 people zooming in from 11 different countries. We read books from authors all over the world and all genres. This month’s read is ‘Before the Coffee Gets Cold’, a café-based tale about time travel by Toshikazu Kawaguchi.

Digesting cake and words at the Madrid Area 2-3 Book Club

What is the next book you are discussing in the INC book club?

We are reading, Ann Napolitano’s best-selling saga, ‘Hello beautiful’.

You joined INC in 2023, how has it enriched your life in Madrid?

INC has been a lifesaver for me since we moved here. My husband and I travel a lot, so it’s been a great focus for me when I’m here. I really enjoy all the activities organised, and the group is full of wonderful, inspiring global women.

Home is where the heart is

Where is your happy place?

I feel lucky that I have many happy places. But if I had to choose, it would be Modena in the North of Italy or Monopoli in the South. We have homes in both places and visit them as much as possible.

Fun times in Madrid

Today we delve into the multi-faceted life of Cypriot-born, multi-lingual former civil engineer, architectural restorer, World Bank advisor, maths teacher, quilter and current yoghi, Sophia Tsirponouri Balaca who is developing a taste for padel in Madrid.

What was the biggest challenge about doing your degree and masters in Kiev as an overseas student?

When I was 18, I left the sunny climes of Cyprus to study Civil engineering in Kiev, Ukraine, which was then in the Soviet Union. I was more worried about surviving the long cold winter and the eternal queues at the shops than the fact that I didn´t actually speak a word of Russian.

How did your male colleagues perceive you as one of the very few, if not the only, female civil engineer in Cyprus?

In 1983 I returned to Cyprus and got a job as a site engineer in a construction company. Cyprus is a small Mediterranean island with a big macho male population! It was hard to be accepted by both the builders and my fellow engineers. Not to mention the fact that they told me my salary would be 20% less than my male counterparts!

I managed to overcome the problem with the builders by explaining to them why things had to be done “my way”. Adding water to concrete made their job easier on a practical level but once they understood the problems that would occur as a result, they agreed to stop doing it.

My fellow civil engineers, on the other hand, were more difficult to deal with and I had to work twice as hard to gain their acceptance.

Sophia enjoys Cypriot folk dancing at university

What was the most fascinating ancient relic discovered during some of your construction projects in Nicosia?

One of the projects I worked on was the reconstruction of a 3-floor stone building inside the walls of the old town of Nicosia. It was to be converted into a museum dedicated to Nicosia’s history. This meant we had to add a lift according to new regulations plus reinforce it with new foundations. We were forced to move that lift constantly! The first time we found the floor and part of the walls of a house dating to the 14-15th century. Our second attempt unearthed a hammam from the Ottoman period! Happily, both are now exhibits in the museum, together with several ceramic Venetian and Ottoman period plates that we also found.

Sophia delivers a lecture on construction contract in Belgrade

You spent your teens in war-torn Cyprus and many years later moved with your husband to Bosnia, what was it like living in another place ravaged by war?

Arriving in Sarajevo in 1999 was a big shock. It brought back sad memories of not being able to enter the occupied area* during the 1970’s in Cyprus, as a Greek Cypriot. This meant that I did not see the destruction on a daily basis whereas in Sarajevo I was surrounded by it every day. Burned down house, bullets on the walls, no infrastructure and the worse of all, cemeteries full of graves. Very sad.

Selling quilts in Bosnia

What did you enjoy about the International Women´s Club in Bosnia?

Moving to Bosnia signalled a huge change in my life. I went from working 10 hours a day in a job I loved to becoming a housewife in a foreign country. Horrendous at first!

Fortunately, I adapted very quickly as I joined the International Women s Club of Sarajevo (IWCS).  The club offered a lot of activities in addition to an annual charity bazaar in aid of the women and children in Bosnia.

After a year I was elected president which I thoroughly enjoyed. Although I consider myself to be too old for that type of role now. [Editor disagrees].

I made a lot of lifelong friends and acquired a lot of skills and hobbies which have enriched my life such as bridge, quilting, yoga, Chinese calligraphy, ballroom dancing, mahjong, amongst many others.

Sophia at a kindergarten in Zenica that had benefitted from IWCS’s work

Whilst in Bosnia you put your engineering and restoration skills to good use, tell us about your time with Cultural Heritage Without Borders.

This was a particularly interesting project.  We had to restore five 17th century houses and two small mosques in the war-torn town of Jajce  using the original building methods and materials. Afterwards the owners had to re-occupy their houses.

I also lectured in construction to a subsidiary of the World Bank and taught maths at the American School. I like to keep busy!

Sophia sets her sights far

You´ve always been a keen sportswoman, how does your daily vinyasa yoga routine set you up for your day?

When I get out of bed every day all my bones hurt! Yet, after an hour of vinyasa yoga I’m ready mentally and physically ready to face the world.

Recently, I started taking padel lessons, at the youthful age of 66 years. To my surprise, my daily yoga session seems to keep any stiffness at bay.

I was really looking forward to moving to Madrid, even at 65! Life here is easier than any of the countries I lived in. I find Madrid very “retired people – friendly”. Free public transport is a particular bonus as we have no car. The city is full of interesting things to do, the shops are well-stocked and healthcare works well!

I have already signed up for Tai-Chi and beauty and make up courses at my local Centro de Mayores.

Visiting Chipiona, Cádiz

Tell us about how you have lived your life according to your motto of learning something new every day

I strongly believe that my life would be very boring if I didn’t try to learn something new every day. Even something tiny. People should not be afraid to leave their comfort zone.

Since travelling abroad for the first time at the age of 8 I have seen a large part of the world. I´m a great fan of courses and have done several online in areas of interest such as Ancient Greece and Rome, mindfulness, interior design to name a few.

At university, my professor of reinforced concrete once told me that the more languages you learn, the more human you become. I took his word and learned 6!

Sophia enjoys Florence

Your husband is Spanish, have you found any similarity between Cypriot customs and Spanish ones?

Cyprus and Spain are both Mediterranean countries so there are many similarities. We are both too loud! We tend to shout a lot, often on top of each other or all at the same time!  

Sarajevo Bridge group

*Reference to the 1974 Turkish invasion of Cyprus.

Today Susannah comes face to face with a sewing pattern cutter, entrepreneur, book lover, accomplished dancer, former research analyst in finance as well as acquisitions and developmental book editor, and now fashion designer, Liesl Gibson.

What was it like growing up in Wisconsin with 4 sisters?

I was really lucky to grow up in university housing until I was about 10 years old as my father was a professor. Being the oldest with a father who traveled a lot, I had a lot of responsibility and chores to do. It´s no coincidence that as an adult I´ve always lived in an apartment without grass to cut or a driveway to shovel!

Liesl with partner and children

At 22 you moved to New York from the Midwest, was it easy to fit in?

The wonderful thing about making a big move like that when you are young and have no money is that you also have no expectations and you are open to new experiences. It took a while to feel at home, but now it’s my first love and I’ll always think of it as home. Maybe someday I’ll return, but right now I’m really enjoying Madrid!

Why did you leave the world of publishing and later, finance, for fashion design?

Despite coming from a family of scientists I´ve always been attracted to creativity and fashion. It took me a while to pursue my true passion and take a professional quantum leap. However, I´m glad for my previous careers. They helped to prepare me to start my own business!

What was it like to work for such well-known brands like Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger?

By the time I entered the world of fashion I was quite burned out on corporate culture.  So it was so refreshing to have fun whilst working on both those labels.  Being surrounded by such high-level talent really helped me to refine my own eye and taste. It gave me much more confidence when I started my own business.

Who or what inspired you to embark on your own creative business?

My grandmother was a fashion designer and after my daughter was born I wanted to find a creative, more flexible role as my (now ex) husband was traveling so much. Also, I’m far too impulsive and self-directed to work for someone else!

Once I started, opportunities just kept knocking, so it’s been an exciting and challenging experience since the start!

Liesl shows off her stylish design

What is your secret Madrid?

I live in barrio La Latina and love to explore. I’m constantly finding new places! Right now I’m slightly obsessed with Slow Cafe, on Calle Mediodia Grande, because it’s in my neighborhood and so cozy.

Who buys your sewing patterns and what trends do you see emerging?

We have clients all over the world! Our customers are mostly professional women who want to make something with their hands after a full day of work and parenting. I write our sewing patterns to make the process easier. I´m a great fan of adding your own creative touch to classic styles to contemporize and personalize them.

Right now I’m really loving wide-legged trousers and button-down shirts and all the ways they can be styled.

Taking inspiration n her studio

You are an avid tango dancer, what is it about the dance that you particularly love?

Tango is extremely formal, with a lot of rules and traditions, and it takes a lot of time to learn. For me it’s my Zen: it allows me to forget everything else and focus only on the connection and the movement. I’ve always danced, and I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer as a child. I love tango because you need to be very focused on your partner but also relaxed and fluid, which isn’t so easy to learn.

Which lesson has been the hardest to learn?

Maybe the biggest lesson that I’ve learned is to not look back and regret choices or decisions in my past, but instead to look forward to the future and the opportunities and adventures that lie in store. I think it’s a lesson I’m still learning, but I’m starting to trust myself and lean less on the opinions and advice of the people around me.

Three generations of creative women

You are the only foreigner in a Spanish book club, what book do you most recommend to others?

I love my book club because everyone really values good literature, and I’m discovering some writers I hadn’t read before. A few of my favorites have been Graham Swift’s El Domingo de Las Madres and J.M. Coetzee’s El Polaco.

What would be the name the of autobiography you haven’t written yet?

Oh, I couldn’t be so presumptuous to think someone would want to read a book about me. I’ve written two sewing books, but my personal journey is still just getting started! Ask me again in 30 years, maybe?

Liesl at work

If you could wave a magic wand what would you do next in your life?

Well, a Spanish driver’s license might be nice! And I have another business idea I’d like to pursue when there is time, but first I need to find the right business partner, so if you know someone with interest and experience in careers and education please send them my way!

Contact for sewing patterns and tips: https://www.lieslandco.com/

Today we take a deep dive into the life of Belgian-born Titane de Vos, whose life took an artistic turn after bagging degrees in political science and international law and working for a charity and subsequently in customs. An avid skier, cyclist, former rugby player, horsewoman, girl scout and the doyenne of homemade Pain au Chocolat at Area 4/5 coffees, Titane is always putting her talented limbs to good use.

Titane enjoys crafting from very young

You have such breadth of artistic flair. How did you discover your creative side?

I´ve been doing craft activities since I was a small girl.  The youngest, (shy) child of three I really needed to entertain myself at home. At school the pottery workshop became my happy, safe place. My teacher was great at encouraging us to develop our own style. Later on, I explored new techniques such as bookbinding, cartonnage (making boxes out of cardboard and fabric), porcelain painting and lampshade making. Often out of trial and error!

A selection of Titane´s handiwork at her beautiful house

What is bookbinding and what can you make with it?

 Bookbinding is a technique used to create a book or an album by assembling loose sheets of paper, cardboard, glue and fabric. You can make all sorts of books such as:  Recipes, journals, gardening, guest book, travelling as well as photo albums. I create my own designs that can often be personalised from one of more than 100 papers I have in my collection. I also make bespoke artist books and can include initials, names and so on.

Even artistically-challenged people like me can manage to paint a plate

We always enjoy visiting your house and admiring your garden, what do you most enjoy about gardening?

I really enjoy that peace you feel when you see life in action as your plants grow.  It´s pure magic! It also has the benefit of providing my lunch table with delicious lettuces and tomatoes as well as my home-made jam at breakfast!

Titane´s expert eye makes artists out of all of us

You are largely self-taught, which craft has been the most challenging to master?

I´d say the ceramics and porcelain painting, as it also includes mastering the firings in the kiln and sometimes the colour does bring some surprises! Even after all these years! It seems incredible that this month I´ll be holding my 24th Christmas exhibition in my house. 

What type of classes do you currently run and which are most popular?

I run a selection of daytime and evening classes for complete beginners or for people who come regularly. No prior knowledge is necessary, people arrive empty-handed and go home with a work of art! It could be a porcelain painted plate, a lampshade or a Japanese bound notebook, a T shirt or a totebag. People really surprise themselves and we all enjoy the chat and a cup of tea or glass of wine. My next classes will include a making a Christmas centrepiece.

Once Titane has something she will never let go

In addition to supporting your 3 sons’ rugby activities, tell us about your own experiences as a rugby player

A group of us set up the Pink Panthers mother´s rugby team after being inspired by the fun atmosphere around my sons’ matches. To my biggest surprise, my sons were really proud to see me playing. It was a great experience later on in life to participate in such a noble team sport. I wish I´d got into rugby earlier. However, I broke my ankle in a match so perhaps I´d better stick to gardening!

Intrepid family campers in Africa

You´re also a keen traveller, where are your favourite destinations and why?

We love to travel off the beaten path and make up our itinerary as we go along. I´d say our family camping trip in the Ngorongoro crater was a hit. We hired a Defender with a couple of tents on the roof and enjoyed the wilderness, the animals and the people who are so generous with whatever they have. Other hits have been Iceland, Norway, India….to name a few….and closer to home we enjoy the Basque Country always!

You have been a member of INC for many years and was also on the board representing vendor relations, what has the club meant to you?

Funnily enough I wasn´t looking to join an international club as I was quite well integrated in Spanish communities here but when I did join was immediately bowled over by the cosmopolitan atmosphere, the welcoming nature of the club. I also particularly enjoyed my time on the board looking after vendor relations for our events.

Titane is a regular at local craft markets

What is next for Titane?

I´m always looking to expand my creative repertoire and In the spring I´m running a new course in recycled paper where we´ll learn how to embed flowers.  

I´m also on the look out for a small house in Belgium so I can be closer to my 91-year old mother and two of my sons. I do also have a wilder dream…perhaps for the more distant future; I´d love to work for a charity in Africa. Watch this space!

Contact details

titane@titane-faitmain.com

Cell: 696938404

IG: @titanefaitmain

#losviernescreativos

FB: @titanefaitmain

Web page www.titane-faitmain.com (online sale)

Christmas Exhibition 29thNovember – 1st December 2024

Half an hour after leaving the centre of Split the city bus grinds to a halt next to a bulldozer and a supermarket. By this stage I am the only passenger left. I steer my suitcase through the hotel´s steely gates past some grey velour sofas into what looks like an airport business lounge, wondering exactly where the “peaceful oasis” is.

Girls on tour

“How far is the beach from here?” I ask pan-faced Annamaria on reception.

I do feel sorry for lip readers in Croatia as it can be quite hard to fathom what people are conveying from their avatar facial expressions.

“We have shuttle to the beach club. You need to pay €35 for a sunbed.” I try to remember which of my 5 school-chums persuaded us all to book into a hotel that is half an hour outside the city and miles away from the coast.

At about this point I start to see the supermarket opposite as my potential salvation. A quick scoot around the wine aisles and I´ve snapped up a few bottles of crisp Debit and fruity Dingaĉ to soften the blow for when my gaggle of gals arrive off the Heathrow flight a few hours later. Or rather whopping Debit card bill and raspberry Dingbat as I came to nickname these wines on the exorbitant menus in the touristy Split tavernas we sampled over the following 4 days.  

Island hopping offers a multitude of options

Over a few glasses or six on our hotel balcony, we pledge to find out which magician-photographer is responsible for the alluring images of olive trees round the swimming pool or the dinky spa for Tom Thumb body doubles.

There is a lot to be said for schoolfriends who know how to glide and slide around each other decades later. We don´t have to be best mates or text every day to progress our friendship. As boarders, our deep links were forged over years of compensating the lack of access to immediate family for 8 months of the year. Shackled in sync amidst the gentle Sussex slopes, we have shared everything from shampoo to ra-ra skirts.

No sign of Brooke Shields at the Blue Lagoon

Time has marched on yet our breakfast conversations remain locked in a time warp. The following morning we discuss the underwhelming offering of the Salona Palace buffet; the congealed fried egg yolks look remarkably similar to the gelatinous ones we tried fruitlessly to dip our fried bread into decades ago. Quite different to what you might expect in a “small luxury resort”. It´s starting to dawn on us that the hotel inclusion of “palace” in its name is as far-fetched as someone addressing me as Your Majesty.

Split’s heritage comprises almost as many nationalities as an INC coffee morning. Originally Greek, it was then Roman, Byzantine then part of Venice, French, Austrian and so the list goes on, a bit like a United Nations conference. However, if you were led to Republic Square blind-folded on an overnight train and asked to guess where you´d woken up you would do well to say Italy. Like other areas of the Dalmatian coast, the historical Italian legacy can be seen in the myriad pizza parlours and the terracotta tiled roofs and porticoes.

Diocletian´s henchman are a vicious lot

Roman Emperor, Diocletian´s magnificent white-stoned summer residence takes up most of the old city and is still bustling with more than 3000 residents and almost as many ice cream parlours. The palace is free to visit and Game of Thrones fans might recognise large sections of this very impressive UNESCO World Heritage site. Slavko from Sugaman Tours brought our visit to life with wit and knowledge; a far more engaging guide than most of our history teachers from school. I´m sure he could make the Industrial Revolution as riveting as any Netflix series.

In the heart of the palace, we were lucky enough to witness a young bride and bridegroom exit the world´s oldest cathedral amidst plumes of red smoke from the flares thrown over them by their excited guests who were chanting the local football team mantra. Most of the guests towered above us and it would be fair to say that Split is not for the vertically challenged. I have never felt quite so diminutive at 1.72 m in my life. Needless to say, basketball is a popular national pastime.

Buzara seafood stew spiced up our tastebuds

In addition to the legendary wild-card Goran Ivanišević whose Wimbledon victory is still feted today, Split can boast of as many as 72 athletes with Olympic medals.

However, the only sport my girlfriends and I indulged in was a repetitive elbow to mouth action with expresso martinis on a roof terrace above the marina at sunset. The strain of which has triggered a mild case of tennis elbow.

Just in case you were wondering why we were staying in the middle of nowhere, the Salona Palace Hotel takes its name from the Roman amphitheatre next door. Rather like the hotel, it didn´t get a rave review so we gave it a miss. Mrs Lavington, our Latin teacher, would be appalled but far be it for us to argue with Trip Advisor.

15 mins on a boat from Split is Trogir

I enjoyed Split and am sorely tempted to return to Croatia for some island-hopping fun with the family another year. Hopefully, in the meantime, the Salona Palace will purchase some reading glasses for their receptionist, Maja. As we were checking out she said that I reminded her of an actress. My vain ego immediately started conjuring up images of Salma Hayek or Courteney Cox, however I was somewhat disheartened to see her brandishing a photo of 72 year old Christine Baranski on her telephone. Thankfully, one of my quick-witted travel companions pointed out that she was in fact 56 when she appeared in Mamma Mia.

Never too old for ice cream

The sun is still shining, the roses are in full bloom and love is in the air. According to the National Statistics Institute (INE), weddings in Spain were up more than 20% in 2022 compared to the previous year. Although the overall picture is less rosy as those figures are still a whopping 45% down on recorded nuptials in 1975. However, despite a downward trend, Spain hosts around 180,000 weddings per year and increasingly, many of those are between couples where either at least one half is from overseas.

My sister in law, Gayle, makes it to the altar against all the odds in Mas de la Serra

Like me, three of my siblings successfully navigated the convoluted Spanish paperwork to make our marriage legal in this country. I was living in London at the time of our wedding and had to google my nearest catholic priest in order to apply for a dispensation to marry in a catholic church near Aranjuez. I am eternally grateful to Father Paddy for his painstaking form-filling duties and guidance. My brother, Alasdair shipped out his own Army chaplain from his Territorial Army regiment whilst both my sisters opted for a civil ceremony. Alasdair runs a beautiful hotel in the province of Teruel and was brave enough to contemplate a March nuptials to coincide with the blossom season.

Unfortunately, a week-long storm had blown most of it off the branches so we were left trying to glue it back on for the table decorations. Minutes before the sit-down lunch, an inquisitive Ibex goat decided to explore the marquee before beating a hasty retreat through one of the plastic windows and ripping a gargantuan hole in it. It´s always worth taking out insurance for every eventuality. I wonder if the meerkats from comparethemarket.com cover natural wildlife damage.

Blossoming marquee in Alasdair´s hotel

To be fair, things had already started to go awry when Alasdair´s bride had to convince the London Metropolitan police that she was prepared to enter her flat in Bermondsey to collect her wedding dress and suitcase at her own risk. Apparently, they were had cordoned off the area after detecting an unexploded WWII bomb. From then on arrangements escalated into a full-scale Monty Python shambles. 

The following day, having ironed out the creases, my sister-in-law boarded my brother´s car in her snow-white finery in the remote Aragonese countryside. After 50 metres the car spluttered its last breath, ejecting the 3 toddler bridesmaids in pristine pumps into a muddy track. As everyone had already left for the wedding venue, frantic phone calls had to be made to recall one of the guests to the rescue. Later on, the happy couple had as much trouble leaving their wedding as arriving for it due to a faulty petrol gauge which left them stranded by the road en route to the first hotel of their honeymoon. 

Lucinda’s new wife, Helena, signs the registry in the Teruel countryside

Years later, my sister´s wedding in Teruel was thrown awry by a French airstrike which left many guests stranded near Barcelona. Two of my parents’ septuagenarian friends spent the night curled up in their car outside their boutique Teruel hotel as they failed to rouse anyone to answer the doorbell at 3 am. To this day, Lucinda is still puzzled by the mystery of which Cinderella left their shoe behind after a night of dancing.

Dancing was a major theme at my own wedding. The British Consulate recommended a “caller” who was able to guide the Spanish (and the British) guests through many an energetic Dashing White Sargeant or Eightsome reel. Predictably, the Spanish were a lot better than it than most of the Londoners, especially when well lubricated with whisky and coke.

I finally found the “right” needle in my haystack

Debbie Skyrme has been officiating at weddings in Spain for 5 years after having worked as a registrar in the UK since 2005. Originally from Hereford and now resident near Nerja, Debbie married 28 different nationalities in 2023 alone. This year a significant proportion of her 67 bookings are also from overseas. Her eyes light up as she tells me that elopements are a big trend these days. I was picturing 16-year-old brides sneaking off to the equivalent of Las Vegas or Gretna Green but apparently nowadays this can just refer to couples of all ages who tie the knot in private before having a bigger party back home. Spain is a hot wedding destination for this private type of wedding.

Another “I do” officiated by Debbie. Photo courtesy Michal Carbol

 “This is the most intimate public act these couples will ever participate in” says Debbie.  Apparently, professional wedding content creators are all the rage; they re-create the whole experience on social media, guests can then witness the intimate ceremony afterwards at leisure.  Despite Debbie´s scrupulous eye for detail and decades of experience she still has to expect the unexpected. “I´ve had champagne corks popping into the bride´s cleavage, ants climbing up the bride´s dress and the odd drone crash landing in a swimming pool.”

Trash the Dress! Photo courtesy Michal Carbol

Key figures at the celebration can vary from country to country. As Brigitte from Area 4/5 says, whose daughter got married a few years ago, “the Groom´s mother is a key person at a Spanish wedding, as opposed to the Bride´s mother.”

Last week I had to prise my husband and children off the dance floor at 3 am from yet another Spanish family wedding. The last bus was leaving at 4.30 am but my dancing feet were turning into blistered pumpkins by 2.30.  Three nephews’/nieces’ weddings down, only 18 more to go if they all get to the altar…..I will have to contemplate dancing Cossack-style on arthritic knees in the middle of a circle of nimble in-laws until well into my 70’s….As the saying goes, “If you can´t beat them….”.

Those of you that know me, will not be surprised that I´m dreaming of ice cream at this time of year. As the barometer soars, I usually embark on an annual pilgrimage to find the holy grail of truly divine helado.

A chilled moment for the Royals

The legacy from my lecturing days at Florence university has primed my gastronomic antennae to search out chilled silky balls flavoured with toasted pistachios or unctuous chocolate as the days grow warmer.

Long time followers of my multiple musings on ice cream will know that I have scoured far-flung lands such as Beirut in search for that authentic scoop.

Green cider apple flavour – a cloistered original

Little did I know that I´d have to come to a convent to find it this year. For, hidden away in the cool sierra of Segovia, the St Clare Order of nuns have come up with an exotic range of flavours that will have you queuing up at the altar for more.

Chilled super food from the order of St Clare

The nuns of the Santa Clara convent at Villacastin moved into the tiny hamlet, which now has 1,500 inhabitants, in the late 17th century. These days you will find plenty of Spanish monastic orders turning their ancient recipes for jams and cakes into an authentic cottage industry. These enterprising Clarissa sisters in particular however, have gone one step further and are churning a selection of sublime ice creams ranging from pale green avocado to sizzling blood orange. Personally, I am a devout disciple of hazelnut flavour and a happy convert to pure white coconut too.

Seraphic coconut

Those of you wishing to make a weekend of ice cream tasting can opt to stay at the convent´s hospedería for €20/night including breakfast and a further €15 will get you lunch and dinner. If their ice cream is anything to go by, I´d beg you to find better quality or value.

Villacastin has some interesting gastro-cultural events throughout the year, with chorizo and eggs being celebrated in May, Folkloric dancing in July and their young bulls running riot in the annual fiestas during the last week of August.

Chilling at Contemplare, Aravaca

Fortunately, my friends Mónica Artacho and Alejandra Salinas have brought the convent´s celestial delicacies to Madrid and in Calle Anita Videl in Aravaca you can enjoy a refreshing ice in the garden or buy half a litre to go from their shop, aptly named: Contemplare. There is also an endless array of jams, biscuits, cakes and honey sourced from convents all over Spain.

Vélez hands out one of his creations

For those of you looking to cool down in the city centre, I heartily recommend Maison Glacée which has two branches near the Retiro. Their pastry chef, Ricardo Vélez is a man after my own heart when he recommends us to: “Taste Now or Regret Later”.  Steer your children towards peach and saffron as opposed to mango and sherry, unless you’re aiming for an ultra-long siesta under a shady tree in the park.

The King of Ice Cream

Where do you enjoy your favourite ice cream?

Contemplare – Calle Anita Videl, 8. Aravaca

Maisón Glacée – Calle Alcalá 77 and Calle Ibiza, 42

This past week in the INC social whats app group we´ve been discussing the various ways we make friends as expats or returning Spaniards in Madrid. In a city where a lot of people are born and raised here, with extensive friends and family networks on tap, breaking into new friendship groups can pose a challenge to a 35+ year old from elsewhere. In London, I remember counting down the days to my son´s start at the local nursery so that I could scour the playground for other seemingly-fun and frazzled mothers.

Spanish conversation flows

Most UK primary school parents are subjected to a jam-packed calendar of coffee mornings, class dinners and fundraising activities for a new 3D auditorium for the Nativity play. These events are great hunting grounds for the shark parents looking to find fellow finned friends with which to share summer villas in Crete so that Johnny can splash about in the infinity pool with Richard from Class 1B while their parents polish off their second bottle of rosé before 11.30 am.  

Enjoying some Spanish equestrian culture

In Madrid Juan and Ricardo´s parents may well be having a weekly bottle of Rioja with their in laws on a Sunday followed by a few Estrella Galicia cervezas or three in their grandmother´s pueblo on a puente weekend or even a copita of fino in their holiday house in El Puerto de Santa María. So where does that leave the midlife expats or Spaniards looking for new friendships in this vibrant city? Well actually, in quite a good position …if you know what to look for and how to find it.

Ana, a native Spaniard from Area 2/3 points out that Madrid is teeming with diverse cultural options ranging from book clubs to dance groups and language classes in addition to the international clubs and societies. “Some examples are the Madrid Players theatrical group, St George’s Church, The Madrid International Choir, The James Joyce society and The Yeats Society. Many of the members of these international groups are Spanish people who value international social contact.” It´s fair to say that compared to when I first lived here in the 1980’s, Spaniards are far more mobile than ever and many are keen to enjoy a parallel social life with an international crowd.

However, as with any fast-paced capital city, lack of time seems to be a recurring barrier as Area 2/3’s Sinéad , who advises expat families on schools explains, “A common disappointment I encounter from clients is how difficult it is to make meaningful friendships beyond the playground chit chat.”  Apparently making Irish friends can be equally challenging for Spaniards in Dublin. “A lot of them only have foreign friends despite working with Irish colleagues,” according to Sinéad. A sentiment echoed by many Spanish friends who have lived in London as I recall.

So how can we go about successful friend dating? Holly from Area 2/3 seems to have had some success expanding her and Spanish husband´s social circle beyond his school and university network,  “I hosted a dinner party on Saturday for English speaking mums and their Spanish speaking partners, and I think the men were surprised how much fun it was and would probably do it again.” I agree, a bit of social engineering and creativity can go a long way. Why not turn the fact that you have been exposed to other ways of socialising to your (and everyone´s) advantage?

Ten years ago, when I arrived here I decided that an 11.30 am breakfast for flexi-workers represented the ideal opportunity to invite acquaintances to crumpets (good old Warburton´s frozen ones from Carrefour) and a pot of Earl Grey.  Whereas lunch is for more intimately acquainted people and dinner is more formal, a rolling breakfast is a bit of a free for all. People perch happily on sofas either indoors or on the porch and come and go as they wish or can. You can mix up lots of social groups, maintain one conversation with a group of 5-6 or enlarge it to several concurrent conversations by inviting 10. I maintain a list of attendees and rotate people so that their common interests are stretched just enough so that they feel they´ve learned something new without them feeling they´ve been beamed up to Mars for two hours. That way everyone leaves refreshed and invigorated for having stepped out of their ubiquitous bubble for a morning.

Amigas on my porch

Another winning formula is dressing up….whilst less common in Spanish circles, this provides the ideal ice-breaker. “Why exactly do you have an axe protruding out of your head?” can trigger an hour-long conversation at the bar area. I once organised a dinner party on a Wednesday (again, breaking with protocol) and 2 of the couples dropped out at the last moment. Faced with a mountain of marinading chicken curry, I managed to creatively fill both spots with 2 couples who had nothing in common with the other 2. So, I rang all 4 couples at 6 pm and explained that they had to come dressed up as someone from the country beginning with the same letter as their first name. Three hours later, a buxom barmaid in Oktoberfest garb rang the bell, at the same time as a flouncy Flamenco dancer and a man with well-worn lederhosen to name a few of the outfits. I finally chased them all out of my dining room at 3 am. Goodness knows if they would actually recognise each other today in a regular suit.

Various nationalities represented at our Leaving London party

Whilst you are coming up with ingenious ways of socialising it´s worth bearing in mind that you are living in a city where “el mundo es un pañuelo” or rather, everyone knows everyone or is even possibly related to everyone. The fact that people use two surnames narrows the potential anonymity further as both the maternal and paternal side of the Spanish family tree can be identified.

Shortly after my arrival here, I took my 18 month-old daughter to a Spanish friend´s house for our weekly informal playgroup. On my first day there, I met a Spanish girl from Andalucía who said she had Scottish cousins. As a Scot myself and having worked with quite a few Jerezanos with Scottish connections in the sherry industry I decided to inquire what their names were. To which she replied with the name of my brother´s best friend from Southampton University in the UK.

INC coffee at my house in 2016

That evening my husband went to a funeral and met up with one of his long-lost friends. His friend hadn´t seen him during my husband´s 11-year stint in London and asked whom he had ended up marrying. When my husband replied his wife was Scottish, his friend remarked that his wife had just met a Scot that morning at a playgroup. This “small world” scenario can be played to an outsider´s advantage, as you only need to scratch the surface before you come up with friends or acquaintances in common.

Huge coincidences or twists of fate also happen within INC. Years ago, after an enjoyable Museum Forum visit we trotted off to the museum café for a coffee. At the time I was on the look out for a Spanish INC member to interview for my next Spotlight blog so I deliberately sat next to a woman speaking Spanish. Whilst eavesdropping on her conversation I was bemused by her reference to Claudia and Andrés. Eventually I interrupted her and we discovered that Loreto and I are the exact mirror image of each other. She is married to a Brit and has a Claudia and Andrés whilst I am married to a Spaniard and have an Andrés and a Claudia. Not only that, both our Andreses have ADHD so Loreto has become an invaluable source of tips as I have struggled to navigate the ensuing parental challenges with Spanish psychiatrists. We are firm friends today.

INC Quiz time

INC is also a source of meaningful friendships for many members long after they´ve flown away from Madrid.  In fact, Loreto and several members of INC, both past and present are about to meet up in Scotland later this month with 2 Scots, 2 Spaniards, 1 Japanese, 1 Lebanese and two others flying over from Brazil and Saudi Arabia. This is testament to the bond that this club provides and also to those that take the trouble to cultivate and maintain the relationships formed within it despite busy diaries and the distance that separates them.

The Menina Race

For friendships are like plants, they need nurturing and tender loving care.  Madrid has many gems to offer, both new and long-term residents. Starting anew or returning home after years away gives us an opportunity to look within ourselves and see how we can enrich other people´s lives before we look to enriching our own. What´s your favourite way to make friends?

Vivienne Sarobe, psychologist and founder of OASIS talks to us about the place of happiness and wellbeing she has created in La Moraleja and the importance of reigniting our playful side.

Where did you live as a third culture child, constantly on the move?

My parents are both Spanish and we moved a lot because my father is an engineer who helped build the Puente de Salazar in Lisbon and many electrical power plants. I went to 9 different schools and was exposed to many languages growing up: English, Spanish, French, Swahili, Xosa, Zulu, Sutu, Welsh, Afrikaans, Italian, Portuguese, Mandarin…I still use three.

What about later when you were in your twenties onwards?

I started a law degree with the aim of becoming a diplomat, but then I was swayed by psychology as I love listening to people and really understanding them. I set up a private practice in La Moraleja, and also passed a public examination that led me to the public sector for several years and I also helped found City Country, an American Spanish Montessori Project School.

Vivienne´s oasis in La Moraleja

You have been a psychologist for 36 years, what lessons have you learned?

We need to understand our individual nature and take into account our own specific needs as well as celebrating diversity. Most difficulties arise because we don´t understand a particular need or uniqueness. You can´t judge a fish for its ability to climb a tree!

Oh, and now that I´m sixty years old I can afford to say, the most important thing is LOVE. Love is not a feeling but a practice of acceptance and understanding that requires discipline, kindness; patience; great courage; imagination; sensitivity and everything you´ve got.

How did you come up with the concept of Eggomotion?

I have a Youtube channel called Vivienne Sarobe, which explains it.  One day a client asked me to explain procrastination, so I took some eggs from the fridge and painted the facial expressions that reflected the issues being discussed.  I left them in the office and my patients started to relate to them and asked me to paint more, and the concept just grew from there.

One day my dog, Wanda, ate one of the eggs so I began to use wooden “Eggos”! Eggomotion is a narrative to help us see and play with the mind. I have two books on Amazon, “Eggomotion, the mind in motion” and “Learn Eggomotion”. which teaches the method in Spanish and English. I´m currently working on the next book.

You have recently launched OASIS, what is it all about?

It´s a centre dedicated to happiness, wellbeing and learning. We have a wide range of multi-lingual highly trained professionals such our psychologist who qualified at Columbia University; our psychiatrist who has worked for the National Health System in the UK and our art team.

Our mission to is help people to feel at home in Madrid and fully supported as they integrate into life here. We adopt a very practical and dynamic approach. Mental health is particularly important to expats as constant moves, the lack of family nearby and cultural changes are objectively stressful and require very specific tools to help them navigate the course.

Why is play and playfulness so essential our wellbeing?

Play and playfulness are a great medium to rehearse and experiment with facets of life that we find hard. So that we´re better prepared for them. They are even great healing tools for trauma if you know how to use them.

Art in the making in Oasis

You are also an accomplished singer, what role does music play in OASIS?

Songs are a great way to teach emotional intelligence in a way that resonates with children and adults alike. Apart from being therapeutic in itself, music provides a language with which we can explore our minds whilst at ease and make friends all over the world.

We offer workshops to discover your own voice and music and we create tailor-made workshops to suit.

In addition to expat support what other services do you offer?

We are also culture vultures and thanks to my black book of local experts we can provide top-notch classes in diverse areas such as the arts, psychology; communication; parenting; skills for family life and/or couples; tools to ease adaptation to expat life; what to expect in mourning, …anything concerning the mind.   

Vivienne encourages us to be playful

What makes OASIS different from other wellbeing centres?

We´re a one-stop shop for the international community and returnee Spaniards to ease that transition into Madrid life. We have all experienced expat life first-hand so we understand exactly what it feels like. This enables us to connect with our clients on a deeper level as we speak the same cultural language in all its guises.

We listen between the lines to uncover what our clients really need. We then address the whole self and offer a bespoke plan to focus on those requirements.   

Vivienne´s jazz group

What do you do in your spare time?

Believe it or not, I rest…. and write; sing; paint and garden. I have lots of lovely friends to share life with. My latest book and record, about the grief of losing my son, is coming out in April 2024. It´s been such a positive experience putting this together. So many parents lose a child but it´s rarely discussed. Mourning in general is overlooked, so I wanted to share my experience.

My band performs at public and private venues. We do events, weddings, cocktails, house concerts, etc.  In fact we have accidentally become professional!

Where is your OASIS?

Right next to La Moraleja, exit 17, in a beautiful little community of houses.

Oasis – Therapy, learning, and art by and for members of the international community

Contact Vivienne Sarobe at 616108013 or viviennesarobe@gmail.com

Oasis can bring out the artist in you

March means we´re in full calçot season. These giant spring onions are cultivated in Valls, near Tarragona and are enjoyed from Figuerès to Fuengirola.  At this time of year, people drive for miles around Catalunya to enjoy char-grilled stems which are often served in newspaper or on terracotta roof tiles. Once you´ve peeled off the outer part you´re left with a tender gooey stem.

The Annual Fiesta de la Calçotada in Valls

Farmers from the town of Valls in Tarragona were the first to harvest these onions. As the stems began to grow, they piled on earth around the shoots to force them to grow upwards to the surface, a bit like a leek. The name hails from this growing technique as the process is called calçar in Catalán which literally means “to cover the bottom part”. It also serves to keep the subterranean roots snow white in colour. The coveted long spring onion shape ensures a more even grilling than the bulbous variety. 

Every year approximately 55 million of these alliums are harvested from November to May although only 10% originate from the heartland of Valls which is now a protected designated area.

Burning bushels of onions

Legend has it that a 19th century farm-hand called Xat de Benaiges accidentally burned some onions he was cooking on a fire. Eager to preserve the insides, he peeled them, only to discover that the inner layers had reduced down to a tasty unctuous delicacy and the trend took hold.

By the 20th century, the tradition of families and friends gathering around communal barbecues of the calçots from December to May had given rise to the phenomenon of calçotadas. Today this popular ritual is responsible for long queues of cars snaking their way out of Barcelona and Tarragona in search of their favoured blackened vegetable in local masías or farmhouse-type restaurants.

Eating calçots is an art

Eating these wobbly long onions is a bit of an art and bibs or “pitets” are handed out in a mandatory fashion. The onions are not completely cleaned as a little earth protects their outer skin.  You have to hold a ‘calçot’ by the leaf with one hand and stretch out the peel downwards with the other hand.  Calçotadas can last for several hours and usually take place on Sundays as most participants eat as many as 25-35 per head. There are many eating competitions and calçot festivities as far afield as Dublin, London and New York if you haven´t been struck down with indigestion.

Calçots in romesco soup – A creation from the infamous Torres Brothers

Almost as appreciated as the vegetables themselves is the sauce that accompanies them.  Most restaurants up and down Spain serve them with Romesco. Yet the real die-hard aficionados stick to the local salvitxada which is a bit sweeter as it contains dried ñora peppers as opposed to the choricero variety found in Romesco. The other ingredients include toasted almonds and hazelnuts, roast tomatoes and garlic, olive oil, garlic, vinegar and parsley, which can either be ground in a pestle and mortar or liquidised for a smoother sauce.

Some chefs have come up with various innovative versions of these prized scallions such as confit calçots served with a meat and butifarra sausage gravy or even a crunchy calçot tempura dipped in curry sauce in Barra Alta restaurant in Madrid and Barcelona.

Barra Alta restaurant offers a modern twist

I am also a fan of the jarred calçot sauce, made with tomatoes and toasted almonds from most sizeable supermarkets. It goes down very well with fish and grilled meat, especially when accompanied by a chilled beer or copita of fino. On occasions I have been known to adulterate calçots with some tabasco but only because I eat chilli with almost everything.  Apart from the chocolate stash I´m saving for Easter Day.